Having totally made up how to look after Holly when she was born. I decided after some reccommendations to read Gina Fords book - which I can not remember the name of at the moment. I saved up a whole £10 whilst pregnant for the second time round after everyone said was the biggest shock ever... going from one child to two. As I seriously could not understand why this would be the case I thought some background reading may give me a bit of insight. Was I missing something really obvious or something?
Now £10 is a LOT of money to me, and even for the more well off everyone knows that £10's add up and should not be wasted. I must say that I thought this book was a big disapointment. I seriously could not believe the first chapter was dedicated to how to launder towels and sheets. I was first pregnant at 24 and I knew how to do that. People do not start doing washing when they have a baby- they have their own clothes abd sheets to practice on before that. The next stumbling block was to find myself reading about how one should help to soundproof the nursery with fitted wardrobes filling a whole wall and how there should always be an easy chair, designed for breastfeeding of course located within the room. Am I the only one who can not afford to live in a palace big enough to fulfil all of these requirements. I'm sure I am not alone in saying that my baby will sleep in a hand me down cot, in a tiny box room with NO wardrobe and there is no room for a chair. He or she will not have a room painted with learning development shapes because our landlord wont let us decorate. I have no doubt that parents exist with the means to create the perfect babyworld but I am one of many who can not. Realistically though...be honest... how many mums of a new born can keep up with Gina's routine of being up, showered, dressed, having eaten a healthy breakfast and sitting ready in your breastfeeding chair ready before your baby wakes by 7am?
My children are great at sleeping in. What I call the 'ignoring because I am asleep' technique works wonders and I have children who sleep a 12 hour night. If I put them to bed at 7 they wake at 7 so if I want to stay in bed til 8 I put them to bed at 8. Generally that is - but when both of them were a few months old they would go through till 8.30 no problem. But only because me and Joel got them used to it.
I don't think you should ever try to create what you think sounds like the routine you 'should' follow if realistically it will wear you out. It's a long slog and pacing yourself is so important. In the pre-school years you can afford for your children to stay up that bit later and to sleep longer in the mornings if you're someone who has late nights. Being in youthwork both me and Joel have lots of evening work. I loved it that until Holly was 15 months we would take her along to youth events. She is so sociable now and I attribute a big part of that to always being around lts of people at social occasions.
Routine can be a good thing...especially if you are someone who has a rigid routine in your everyday life. We are not. Spontenaety is our method. I find out what might happen on any day the night before. Every day is different. Some days Joel is around,some days not, some days we have a car, some days we do not. Some days we are out early, some we are out late. Our Children happily adapt to that - because they are used to it. I know parents that have tried really hard to create a routine for their children but then they end up crippled by it. What is life if your whole week is thrown out if your child is not in their bedroom at 2pm for their hours afternoons sleep - you can never go out for the day, go away, do something on the spur of the moment without the fear of setting off a horrendous week ahead becuause one sleep has been thrown out. I just done see the point of it. I think the only children that go onto needing and responding to strict routine are those who's parents have moulded them into needing it. There is something precious about this method and I do believe it shows real sacrifice on the parents part to put aside their own plans for the nurture of their children but I also strongly believe that children learn such a lot from seeing their parents living their life. A big part of a childs development is learning that the world does not revolve around them - this is their move at the end of adoloscence into interdependence and I think that lesson should no be kept until then. Learning that they are part of a bigger picture and learning about their parent as a person with an agenda other than them surely must lead to a child with a wider understanding who should be less self focused.
I'm also not saying that total chaos is a good environment for children either. I think the key is that they need to understand what is going on, not be in control of it. For example because Joel works different hours every day it is often the case that he is not around at tea time. Family meals are a priority and whoever is in at teatime will sit around the table and will have a family meal. If someone is not in we will talk about what is happening to explain to he children where Daddy or Mummy is that day. We want our children to understand what is going on, where everyone is, who we are working with, what we are doing and when they have a change in their normal activities why that is. All it is is a simple form of respect and I do think it translates as such for a baby. A reassuring cuddle or tone in your voice can create the right environment for a baby who is taken out of their routine and make them feel the same way as they may do in the safety of a pattern that they are used to.
Now £10 is a LOT of money to me, and even for the more well off everyone knows that £10's add up and should not be wasted. I must say that I thought this book was a big disapointment. I seriously could not believe the first chapter was dedicated to how to launder towels and sheets. I was first pregnant at 24 and I knew how to do that. People do not start doing washing when they have a baby- they have their own clothes abd sheets to practice on before that. The next stumbling block was to find myself reading about how one should help to soundproof the nursery with fitted wardrobes filling a whole wall and how there should always be an easy chair, designed for breastfeeding of course located within the room. Am I the only one who can not afford to live in a palace big enough to fulfil all of these requirements. I'm sure I am not alone in saying that my baby will sleep in a hand me down cot, in a tiny box room with NO wardrobe and there is no room for a chair. He or she will not have a room painted with learning development shapes because our landlord wont let us decorate. I have no doubt that parents exist with the means to create the perfect babyworld but I am one of many who can not. Realistically though...be honest... how many mums of a new born can keep up with Gina's routine of being up, showered, dressed, having eaten a healthy breakfast and sitting ready in your breastfeeding chair ready before your baby wakes by 7am?
My children are great at sleeping in. What I call the 'ignoring because I am asleep' technique works wonders and I have children who sleep a 12 hour night. If I put them to bed at 7 they wake at 7 so if I want to stay in bed til 8 I put them to bed at 8. Generally that is - but when both of them were a few months old they would go through till 8.30 no problem. But only because me and Joel got them used to it.
I don't think you should ever try to create what you think sounds like the routine you 'should' follow if realistically it will wear you out. It's a long slog and pacing yourself is so important. In the pre-school years you can afford for your children to stay up that bit later and to sleep longer in the mornings if you're someone who has late nights. Being in youthwork both me and Joel have lots of evening work. I loved it that until Holly was 15 months we would take her along to youth events. She is so sociable now and I attribute a big part of that to always being around lts of people at social occasions.
Routine can be a good thing...especially if you are someone who has a rigid routine in your everyday life. We are not. Spontenaety is our method. I find out what might happen on any day the night before. Every day is different. Some days Joel is around,some days not, some days we have a car, some days we do not. Some days we are out early, some we are out late. Our Children happily adapt to that - because they are used to it. I know parents that have tried really hard to create a routine for their children but then they end up crippled by it. What is life if your whole week is thrown out if your child is not in their bedroom at 2pm for their hours afternoons sleep - you can never go out for the day, go away, do something on the spur of the moment without the fear of setting off a horrendous week ahead becuause one sleep has been thrown out. I just done see the point of it. I think the only children that go onto needing and responding to strict routine are those who's parents have moulded them into needing it. There is something precious about this method and I do believe it shows real sacrifice on the parents part to put aside their own plans for the nurture of their children but I also strongly believe that children learn such a lot from seeing their parents living their life. A big part of a childs development is learning that the world does not revolve around them - this is their move at the end of adoloscence into interdependence and I think that lesson should no be kept until then. Learning that they are part of a bigger picture and learning about their parent as a person with an agenda other than them surely must lead to a child with a wider understanding who should be less self focused.
I'm also not saying that total chaos is a good environment for children either. I think the key is that they need to understand what is going on, not be in control of it. For example because Joel works different hours every day it is often the case that he is not around at tea time. Family meals are a priority and whoever is in at teatime will sit around the table and will have a family meal. If someone is not in we will talk about what is happening to explain to he children where Daddy or Mummy is that day. We want our children to understand what is going on, where everyone is, who we are working with, what we are doing and when they have a change in their normal activities why that is. All it is is a simple form of respect and I do think it translates as such for a baby. A reassuring cuddle or tone in your voice can create the right environment for a baby who is taken out of their routine and make them feel the same way as they may do in the safety of a pattern that they are used to.
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